He Said, She Said ... But Are They Really Communicating?

New Survey Finds That When It Comes to Intimacy, Men and Women Still Don't

Speak the Same Language

Relationship Experts Dr. Robi Ludwig and Steve Santagati Bridge the

Intimacy Gap



03 Aug, 2006, 01:00 ET from Personal Products Company

    SKILLMAN, N.J., Aug. 3 /PRNewswire/ -- Almost 15 years after "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus" put the spotlight on the male-female
 relationship dynamic, a new survey by K-Y(R) Brand and Ipsos reveals that
 America still has lessons to learn. The survey of 300 men and 300 women
 ages 18-49 in committed relationships reveals that women and men still
 don't "speak" the same language when it comes to intimacy, and almost
 one-third find it difficult to talk about intimacy at all. The good news is
 that nine out of 10 people think it's possible to learn how to be more
 intimate.
     These numbers don't surprise Dr. Robi Ludwig, a nationally known
 psychotherapist and host of the TLC program, "One Week To Save A Marriage";
 and Steve Santagati, contributing editor to Men's Journal and author of
 "The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate -- And
 What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top." Santagati and Ludwig agree that men
 -- and women -- aren't always the best communicators when it comes to
 intimacy, but both experts think there are ways to make relationships
 stronger.
     "Mastering the language of intimacy requires that you really be in tune
 with your partner's needs, but you also should understand your own needs --
 and be able to communicate them as well," says Dr. Ludwig. "And men should
 be aware that for women, true intimacy starts from the brain. There is a
 real connection between the physical and emotional that comes from our
 minds."
     Men And Women: Just How Different?
     According to the survey, women are more than twice as likely as men (31
 percent vs. 14 percent) to want more communication in their relationships,
 and three times as likely to want to "talk more." Women think that the
 emotional aspect of their relationships needs to be improved at a rate 22
 percent higher than men. But when it comes to the physical part of a
 relationship, you guessed it -- men out-pace women by 32 percent. Men and
 women can't even agree on whether the level of intimacy in their
 relationships needs to be improved -- with women citing better
 communication (31 percent versus 14 percent for men), and men out-flanking
 women on the no-improvement- needed box by 30 percent to 20 percent.
     Is there any hope at all for bridging the intimacy gap? With 91 percent
 of respondents saying it is possible to learn how to be more intimate, the
 answer is definitely yes. And although men and women may not necessarily
 agree on what constitutes intimacy in a relationship, it's not from a lack
 of trying: Almost half of men (44 percent) and one-third of women (33
 percent) say they communicate on an intimate level with each other about
 once or twice a week.
     "The trick to finding true intimacy is to recognize -- and embrace --
 that men and women communicate differently, so try new things and find what
 works," says Steve Santagati. "Remember that as men, we are about the
 physical, it's just our nature. We don't want intimacy to be a routine; it
 needs to have constant newness and excitement. The unexpected is really
 great."
     Learning To "Speak" The Language Of Intimacy
     Ludwig and Santagati have put together tips to help couples better
 "speak" the language of intimacy -- a mix of long-term advice with some
 quick and fun tips that should help any couple get closer.
     * GET STARTED - It may sound simple, but just take the first step. Each
       success you have in your relationship will breed more success; the more
       you are intimate, the more you will want to be intimate.
 
     * RELAX AND BE YOURSELF. Be comfortable being yourself in front of your
       partner.
 
     * MAKE A DATE.  Life is hectic, but don't forget the time the two of you
       need together. Create date nights if necessary. Get a baby sitter. Do
       what it takes to make intimate moments possible.
 
     * BREAK THE ICE - If there's too much pressure, consider a fun way to
       start a conversation, play a fun game or give your partner a massage
       with K-Y 2-in-1 WARMING(TM). The skin-on-skin contact will bring you
       closer together.
 
     * REMEMBER THE TIME? If you find it hard to start the conversation, talk
       about the first time you met, or the first time you felt the strong
       attraction to each other. Discuss what made it so special.
 
     * SHOW ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT.  And even learn to compromise. Make a list
       of what is important to each other -- separately -- then share your
       thoughts. The give and take can be healthy and intimate.
 
     * PLAN AHEAD. Romance planned for 10:00 p.m. should start at 10:00 a.m.
       Leave a sexy note in your partner's briefcase, or send flirty e-mails
       during the day. Tell your partner you are picking up some K-Y intimacy
       products on your way home.
 
     * WRITE IT DOWN.  Cat got your tongue?  Pick up a pen and write down the
       fun things you'd like to try with your partner.  Put all of the ideas
       into a hat and take turns drawing out new ideas -- and conversations!
 
     * EXPLORE AND BE CREATIVE. Create your own intimacy kit -- whether it's
       real or in your head. Keep some "tools" on hand like candles, K-Y
       massage oils or lingerie. Include each other's ideas and thoughts for
       future fun.
 
     * BE ACTIVE, TOGETHER.  Exercise together.  Take walks, ride bikes.  Heck,
       mountain climb if you're both up for it.  The physical and emotional
       dividends will all lead to more intimacy.
 
     * THINK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER. Each of you should think about what the other
       desires and needs. What does he/she like dislike?
 
     * CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES.  Compliment your partner. Accept that men and
       women are different and that, when it comes to intimacy each can learn
       from the other.
 
     About Dr. Robi Ludwig
     Dr. Robi Ludwig is a nationally known psychotherapist and an
 award-winning reporter. She is the host of the TLC show "One Week to Save a
 Marriage." As a relationship expert, she has made numerous national
 broadcast appearances, including the Today Show, Larry King Live, Oprah,
 Montel Williams, Ricki Lake and Geraldo Rivera. Robi recently made her
 debut as guest host of CNN's Larry King Live.
     About Steve Santagati
     Santagati is a contributing editor of Jane Magazine and has also worked
 with Men's Journal. His national broadcast experience includes serving as a
 contributing correspondent for Extra and American Journal, as well as
 appearing as a relationship expert on Life & Style. Steve recently appeared
 on a Montel Williams segment called "Men vs. Women: Why Can't We Get
 Along?" He's also hosted Bachlorette in Alaska, True Outdoor Adventures and
 Secrets of Travel Survival, and just finished his first book, "The Manual:
 A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate -- And What Women Can
 Do to Come Out on Top."
     About K-Y Brand
     More couples than ever are using K-Y BRAND intimacy products for a fun
 way to enhance intimacy.
     The K-Y(R) Brand line of intimacy products includes K-Y(R) Brand
 SENSUAL MIST(TM), TOUCH MASSAGE(TM) 2-in-1 WARMING(TM) personal massage
 plus personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand SENSUAL(TM) evening wash, K-Y(R)
 Brand TOUCH MASSAGE(TM) personal massage, K-Y(R) Brand TOUCH MASSAGE(TM)
 lotions, K-Y(R) Brand SILK-E(R) personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand LIQUID(TM)
 personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand WARMING LIQUID(TM) personal lubricant,
 K-Y(R) Brand JELLY personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand WARMING(TM) JELLY
 personal lubricant. All K-Y(R) Brand personal lubricants are water-soluble
 and condom compatible.
 
 

SOURCE Personal Products Company
    SKILLMAN, N.J., Aug. 3 /PRNewswire/ -- Almost 15 years after "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus" put the spotlight on the male-female
 relationship dynamic, a new survey by K-Y(R) Brand and Ipsos reveals that
 America still has lessons to learn. The survey of 300 men and 300 women
 ages 18-49 in committed relationships reveals that women and men still
 don't "speak" the same language when it comes to intimacy, and almost
 one-third find it difficult to talk about intimacy at all. The good news is
 that nine out of 10 people think it's possible to learn how to be more
 intimate.
     These numbers don't surprise Dr. Robi Ludwig, a nationally known
 psychotherapist and host of the TLC program, "One Week To Save A Marriage";
 and Steve Santagati, contributing editor to Men's Journal and author of
 "The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate -- And
 What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top." Santagati and Ludwig agree that men
 -- and women -- aren't always the best communicators when it comes to
 intimacy, but both experts think there are ways to make relationships
 stronger.
     "Mastering the language of intimacy requires that you really be in tune
 with your partner's needs, but you also should understand your own needs --
 and be able to communicate them as well," says Dr. Ludwig. "And men should
 be aware that for women, true intimacy starts from the brain. There is a
 real connection between the physical and emotional that comes from our
 minds."
     Men And Women: Just How Different?
     According to the survey, women are more than twice as likely as men (31
 percent vs. 14 percent) to want more communication in their relationships,
 and three times as likely to want to "talk more." Women think that the
 emotional aspect of their relationships needs to be improved at a rate 22
 percent higher than men. But when it comes to the physical part of a
 relationship, you guessed it -- men out-pace women by 32 percent. Men and
 women can't even agree on whether the level of intimacy in their
 relationships needs to be improved -- with women citing better
 communication (31 percent versus 14 percent for men), and men out-flanking
 women on the no-improvement- needed box by 30 percent to 20 percent.
     Is there any hope at all for bridging the intimacy gap? With 91 percent
 of respondents saying it is possible to learn how to be more intimate, the
 answer is definitely yes. And although men and women may not necessarily
 agree on what constitutes intimacy in a relationship, it's not from a lack
 of trying: Almost half of men (44 percent) and one-third of women (33
 percent) say they communicate on an intimate level with each other about
 once or twice a week.
     "The trick to finding true intimacy is to recognize -- and embrace --
 that men and women communicate differently, so try new things and find what
 works," says Steve Santagati. "Remember that as men, we are about the
 physical, it's just our nature. We don't want intimacy to be a routine; it
 needs to have constant newness and excitement. The unexpected is really
 great."
     Learning To "Speak" The Language Of Intimacy
     Ludwig and Santagati have put together tips to help couples better
 "speak" the language of intimacy -- a mix of long-term advice with some
 quick and fun tips that should help any couple get closer.
     * GET STARTED - It may sound simple, but just take the first step. Each
       success you have in your relationship will breed more success; the more
       you are intimate, the more you will want to be intimate.
 
     * RELAX AND BE YOURSELF. Be comfortable being yourself in front of your
       partner.
 
     * MAKE A DATE.  Life is hectic, but don't forget the time the two of you
       need together. Create date nights if necessary. Get a baby sitter. Do
       what it takes to make intimate moments possible.
 
     * BREAK THE ICE - If there's too much pressure, consider a fun way to
       start a conversation, play a fun game or give your partner a massage
       with K-Y 2-in-1 WARMING(TM). The skin-on-skin contact will bring you
       closer together.
 
     * REMEMBER THE TIME? If you find it hard to start the conversation, talk
       about the first time you met, or the first time you felt the strong
       attraction to each other. Discuss what made it so special.
 
     * SHOW ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT.  And even learn to compromise. Make a list
       of what is important to each other -- separately -- then share your
       thoughts. The give and take can be healthy and intimate.
 
     * PLAN AHEAD. Romance planned for 10:00 p.m. should start at 10:00 a.m.
       Leave a sexy note in your partner's briefcase, or send flirty e-mails
       during the day. Tell your partner you are picking up some K-Y intimacy
       products on your way home.
 
     * WRITE IT DOWN.  Cat got your tongue?  Pick up a pen and write down the
       fun things you'd like to try with your partner.  Put all of the ideas
       into a hat and take turns drawing out new ideas -- and conversations!
 
     * EXPLORE AND BE CREATIVE. Create your own intimacy kit -- whether it's
       real or in your head. Keep some "tools" on hand like candles, K-Y
       massage oils or lingerie. Include each other's ideas and thoughts for
       future fun.
 
     * BE ACTIVE, TOGETHER.  Exercise together.  Take walks, ride bikes.  Heck,
       mountain climb if you're both up for it.  The physical and emotional
       dividends will all lead to more intimacy.
 
     * THINK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER. Each of you should think about what the other
       desires and needs. What does he/she like dislike?
 
     * CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES.  Compliment your partner. Accept that men and
       women are different and that, when it comes to intimacy each can learn
       from the other.
 
     About Dr. Robi Ludwig
     Dr. Robi Ludwig is a nationally known psychotherapist and an
 award-winning reporter. She is the host of the TLC show "One Week to Save a
 Marriage." As a relationship expert, she has made numerous national
 broadcast appearances, including the Today Show, Larry King Live, Oprah,
 Montel Williams, Ricki Lake and Geraldo Rivera. Robi recently made her
 debut as guest host of CNN's Larry King Live.
     About Steve Santagati
     Santagati is a contributing editor of Jane Magazine and has also worked
 with Men's Journal. His national broadcast experience includes serving as a
 contributing correspondent for Extra and American Journal, as well as
 appearing as a relationship expert on Life & Style. Steve recently appeared
 on a Montel Williams segment called "Men vs. Women: Why Can't We Get
 Along?" He's also hosted Bachlorette in Alaska, True Outdoor Adventures and
 Secrets of Travel Survival, and just finished his first book, "The Manual:
 A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate -- And What Women Can
 Do to Come Out on Top."
     About K-Y Brand
     More couples than ever are using K-Y BRAND intimacy products for a fun
 way to enhance intimacy.
     The K-Y(R) Brand line of intimacy products includes K-Y(R) Brand
 SENSUAL MIST(TM), TOUCH MASSAGE(TM) 2-in-1 WARMING(TM) personal massage
 plus personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand SENSUAL(TM) evening wash, K-Y(R)
 Brand TOUCH MASSAGE(TM) personal massage, K-Y(R) Brand TOUCH MASSAGE(TM)
 lotions, K-Y(R) Brand SILK-E(R) personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand LIQUID(TM)
 personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand WARMING LIQUID(TM) personal lubricant,
 K-Y(R) Brand JELLY personal lubricant, K-Y(R) Brand WARMING(TM) JELLY
 personal lubricant. All K-Y(R) Brand personal lubricants are water-soluble
 and condom compatible.
 
 SOURCE Personal Products Company