BYU Law Center for Conflict Resolution Professor Shares Tips to Navigate Difficult Political Conversations

PROVO, Utah, Oct. 16, 2019 /PRNewswire/ -- Each election cycle brings with it new challenges for family members, neighbors, friends and co-workers with opposing political views, but partisan divides do not have to strain relationships and dinner conversations. Since 2002, the BYU Law Center for Conflict Resolution has been committed to transforming conflict on campus and throughout the world through negotiation, mediation and conflict resolution. On October 25, the center will partner with Better Angels to host a Red/Blue Workshop to help conservative-leaning individuals find common ground with their liberal-leaning counterparts.

For those unable to attend the event, Benjamin Cook, BYU Law professor and director of the Center for Conflict Resolution who is a Utah court-qualified mediator trained through the Harvard Mediation Program, offers the following tips to navigate a difficult conversation with those of opposing political views:

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. The first thing to focus on when approaching difficult conversations about any topic is how you're seeing the other person, or your mindset. When we have strong disagreements with someone, we tend to see them as an object. With that mindset, our conversation will almost always end badly because the fundamental way we view someone ends up negatively affecting everything we hear and say. So the key is to see the other person as a person: "She has hopes, fears and challenges, just like me." If you don't know what those are, your conversation might need to start by getting to know more about that person so you can see her fundamental humanity.

Ditch the "I understand" lingo. Never say, "I understand, but..." The intent here is good: "I want the other person to feel understood before I make my point." But no one has ever felt understood when someone tells him, "I understand, but..." To the contrary, we feel the other person emphatically doesn't understand, and we brace ourselves for what he's about to say, knowing it will contradict what we said. Instead, show the other person you understand. We can do this by saying something like, "I think I understand. You feel that... [give a brief summary or paraphrasing of what you understood the other person said]. Is that right?" Once someone feels that we've listened and understood him, he is much more likely to be able to listen and seek to understand us.

Put down the boxing gloves. Discussions about politics tend to make us defensive. We need to be aware of what's happening internally when someone disagrees with us on a political issue, and ask ourselves what is being triggered that makes us so defensive. Often we get defensive because we are actually somewhat uncertain or insecure about the issue in question, and rather than explore it honestly and objectively, we double-down and entrench ourselves in our initial position. Approaching political conversations with a certain level of self-awareness and humility can lead us to greater understanding, and often induces the other person to be more open, honest, and civil, too.

Find areas of common ground. Finally, finding areas of commonality can be healthy and really contribute to a productive conversation when exploring differences. Are you both passionate about working toward a greater good to help others in your community and the nation? Do you share camaraderie when it comes to non-political topics? Maybe it's a passion for volunteerism, prioritization of education or even a favorite sports team. Finding and exploring areas of common ground can soften the conversation or provide a topic to pivot the conversation when it's time to break bread and move on.

Election years can be particularly straining on even the best relationships. Being open minded and sympathetic to those with opposing views can be helpful to successfully navigate many difficult conversations during election season and throughout life.

About the BYU Law Center for Conflict Resolution
The BYU Center for Conflict Resolution (CCR) at the J. Reuben Clark Law School is committed to transforming conflict on campus and throughout the world. Through mediation, arbitration, training workshops, research, conferences, academic courses, and consultations, the CCR assists both BYU and the community beyond campus in building skills and promoting understanding of peace, negotiation, communication, and conflict resolution. https://law.byu.edu/

About BYU Law School
Founded in 1971, the J. Reuben Clark Law School (BYU Law) has grown into one of the nation's leading law schools – recognized for innovative research and teaching in social change, transactional design, entrepreneurship, corpus linguistics, criminal justice, and religious freedom. The Law School has more than 6,000 alumni serving in communities around the world. In its most recent rankings, SoFi ranked BYU Law as the #1 best-value U.S. law school in their 2017 Return on Education Law School Ranking. For more information, visit http://www.law.byu.edu/.

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