One in Five Couples Report Conflict Related to Pornography, According to New Survey

SALT LAKE CITY, Nov. 9, 2021 /PRNewswire/ -- A national poll on couples and pornography released today found that one in five couples report conflict in their relationship related to pornography. The poll, commissioned by the Wheatley Institution at Brigham Young University and the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, also found that while a majority of people (over 70%) are at least somewhat accepting of pornography viewing, about 25% of men report actively hiding their viewing from their partner and about a third of women expressed concerns about their partner being more attracted to pornography and thinking about pornography when being intimate. About a third of women were also worried that their partner was withholding some details about their pornography viewing. 

Historically, pornography studies have focused on pornography as a personal sexual behavior or as a risk behavior among teens. As the internet has made pornography use more commonplace, the National Couples and Pornography Study sought to investigate pornography, gender, and relationships and examined the potentially wide-ranging and complex ways that pornography can influence relationships between men and women today. The survey was comprised of two national datasets – one with individuals in couple relationships and a second with matched partners for which both partners or spouses completed the survey. 

"Despite pornography viewing being a common behavior, we know very little about its potential impact on romantic couples," said Dr. Brian Willoughby, one of the authors of the report and a fellow at the Wheatley Institution. "Previous research has shown that there is a sizeable gap between men and women in pornography use and with these differences many couples must now navigate, either openly or privately, whether or not pornography will be a part of their relationship. We wanted our study to shed light on this topic while helping to provide a clear understanding on how pornography is being used or not used, as well as how it is discussed and negotiated in relationships." 

Additional key findings from the survey include: 

• One-third of dating men (33.5%) reported frequent pornography use (23.9% weekly, 9.6% daily) compared to nearly 1 in 8 of dating women (10.1% weekly + 3.3% daily = 13.4%). For married individuals, the gap of frequent pornography use alone is even greater, with 33% of married men reporting weekly or daily use (23.3% weekly, 9.8% daily), but only slightly less than 1 in 16 married women reporting similar levels. 

• About half of all non-married couples report using pornography together, at least sometimes. Among married individuals, a stark difference in reporting can be seen between husbands and wives. While about half of all married men report watching pornography with their spouse, only about a third of married women report the same behavior. 

• While married women are slightly less accepting of pornography use than married men, dating women are more likely to report being accepting of pornography than men.

• Over 50% of married men and over 65% of dating men agree that pornography can help enhance foreplay, but less than 40% of married women and less than 50% of dating women agree. 

• Men appear to consistently overestimate the pornography use of women, while women consistently underestimate the pornography use of men. The frequency in which men are viewing pornography is consistently more than what women predict their usage to be. In fact, men report viewing weekly pornography at rates almost double the estimate of women. On the other hand, men consistently overestimated the amount of weekly pornography use viewed by women, estimating almost double the weekly pornography use for both softcore and hardcore pornography than what women actually report doing themselves. 

• Only a little more than half of all couples surveyed reported they talk about pornography openly in their relationship. Further, the majority of couples surveyed had neither set rules for pornography use in the relationship, nor had they discussed limits and boundaries around pornography use in their relationship. While many couples reported low to no conflict about pornography use, it is possible that much of this lack of conflict is based on an avoidance of the issue or based on not realizing the extent of a partner's pornography viewing given the lack of accurate assessments of pornography use.

• One in five dating and married men reported that they feel unable to stop their pornography use. Only 4% of dating women and slightly less than 3% of married women reported they worry that they are personally unable to stop watching pornography.

• Couples where both partners report that they do not use pornography at all reported the highest levels of relationship stability, commitment, and relationship satisfaction, with 90% or above of these couples reporting that their relationship is stable, committed and satisfying. A consistent decline in relationship stability, commitment, and relationship satisfaction was noted as the relative frequency of pornography use increased.
• Couples where both partners view pornography on a daily basis report a 45% decrease in stability and a 30% decrease in commitment levels compared to couples where both partners don't view pornography at all. 

In reflection on the overall findings, the authors emphasize how important it is for couples to communicate and set mutually-agreed upon boundaries in their relationship. "Given the lack of communication about pornography we see among couples, it is important for partners to begin to discuss pornography and how it may be impacting their relationship" said Dr. Galena Rhoades, one of the authors of the report and a research professor at the University of Denver. "Conversations about expectations, what pornography means to each of them, and how it influences sex and their feelings of trust or attachment seem key." 

The two data samples surveyed for the National Couples and Pornography Study were collected independently by Qualtrics from their existing data panel during 2020. The first dataset consisted of 3,750 individuals who are in committed heterosexual couple relationships. The sample was recruited from across the United States based on quotas for age, race, education level, and geographic region, aimed at creating a demographically diverse sample. To qualify for the study, participants were required to be over 18 years of age and currently in a committed couple relationship (seriously dating, cohabiting or married).

The second sample consists of 713 matched heterosexual couples (1,426 individuals). The sample includes couples for which both partners or spouses completed the survey. For this dataset, Qualtrics asked their panel participants if their partner would also be available to participate in the study. For those who said yes, participants provided their partner's email address and following completion of the survey, the partner was sent an email with a link and instructions on completing their survey. For this report focusing on differences in relationships between men and women, only participants in relationships with the opposite gender were included in analyses. 

These results, along with the full study and survey methodology, are available at: https://wheatley.byu.edu/National-Couples-and-Pornography-Survey2021 

SOURCE Wheatley Institution