A Self-Help Guide for Husbands Seeking to Understand Their Wives During Midlife Marriage Challenges
Author shares that a man can change his marriage from within by becoming an "environment changer" rather than a "pinball" who reacts to external stimuli
OCONOMOWOC, Wis., Oct. 13, 2025 /PRNewswire/ -- Relationship and marriage expert Larry Bilotta has spent the last 15 years interviewing over 2,000 people in troubled marriages. While listening to their stories, Bilotta says that he realized that all of men he spoke with are married to women who come from troubled childhoods, with no exceptions.
In "This Is Not The Woman I Married," Bilotta provides an inside look at his own struggles and breakthroughs during an intense forty-year marriage, while offering husbands practical tools to save their relationships during their wives' "midlife transition." With step-by-step strategies and emotional insights, the book aims to empower men to respond with patience, empathy, and clarity rather than fear or frustration.
"You can't force someone to stay, and you can't make anyone do anything," said Bilotta. "But you can dramatically shift the dynamic of your relationship with the right skills to control anxiety, deal with grief and feel better personally. Once you're no longer dependent on others to make you happy, everything changes."
Bilotta spent 27 years in what he describes as a deeply troubled marriage before he and his wife discovered a path to reconciliation. During that long period of conflict and eventual healing, he developed practical tools to manage emotions and rebuild connection. The lessons he extracted from his own marriage became the foundation of his Chaos Scale method, designed to help others understand and measure emotional turbulence and stress level in daily life and relationships. The scale, a self-awareness tool, ranks an individual's inner emotional "noise" from calm to overwhelming and helps them recognize whether they're functioning from a place of peace and clarity, or if they're spiraling into reactive, destructive patterns.
"If you were raised at the top of the scale then you have very good and positive values that you take into the marriage with no effort on your part," said Bilotta. "If your wife was raised at the bottom of the scale, she holds very negative values within her subconscious mind that will come for her when you least expect it. This creates a very troubling marriage situation after you are married for several years and have established lives with children and assets."
"This Is Not The Woman I Married: Her Midlife Crisis and What Her Husband Can Do About It"
By Larry Bilotta
ISBN: 9798765259931 (softcover); 9798765259955 (hardcover); 9798765259948 (electronic)
Available at Balboa Press, Amazon and Barnes & Noble
About the author
Larry Bilotta is an author and relationship expert who developed an approach to saving marriages based on his own 40-year marriage. While not a therapist, he launched his work after an "intense forty-year training program supplied by his wife, Marsha. He spent years studying psychology, spirituality, and relationship science before developing his "common sense, accessible, and proven approach." To learn more, please visit larrybilotta.com.
General Inquiries:
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Ziggy Goldfarb
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SOURCE Balboa Press

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