Six Tips for Dating while on Dialysis

Valentine's Day Advice from the National Kidney Foundation

NEW YORK, Feb. 14, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- Half of Americans think dating has gotten harder in the last ten years.¹ Where does that leave someone looking for love with a serious illness, such as kidney failure? Dating is hard enough without the stress of treatments like dialysis. You may ask if dating can even be done when you have a major health condition. The answer is yes, dating on dialysis can absolutely be done. While chronic illness may make the logistics of dating a little more difficult, you are still capable of loving and deserving of love. Just in time for Valentine's Day, the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) is suggesting six tips to help anyone navigating the dating world while dealing with the stress of dialysis. 

1) Choose supportive partners

What does a supportive partner look like to you? Do they go to appointments with you or ask about them afterward? Do they make dinner after dialysis sessions or make you laugh after a hard day? Make a list of your standards and use them when deciding if a person is right for you. You want someone who closely matches your idea of a supportive partner to build a strong foundation for your relationship.

For Nathan and Candria, a couple who both spent time on dialysis, that strong foundation is what held them together during their most difficult times. "You find someone that you can trust and has your best interests at heart–someone who will be honest with you. Candria's always been honest with me," said Nathan. "You also need to find personal reasons to survive and live. You can't be a support to anyone else if you can't do that for yourself."

"We control the illness, it doesn't control us," said Candria. "We do our best to keep their lives as normal as possible. We do a lot of traveling and always have a yearly vacation. We never gave up on our lives or our kids. My goal is to continue living while I'm here. I tell people to try living as much as possible and do the best to enjoy the life you have."

2) Educate your partner

Most people don't fully understand what kidney disease or dialysis is. Catch them up to speed so they can best understand what you are going through. You don't have to do it alone, though. Health organizations like NKF's www.kidney.org are a great resource for everything they'll need to better understand what you're dealing with.

With a little creativity, you can even make these educational moments fun. You can cook, a dialysis-friendly meal together; participate in a charity event like the Kidney Walk, or follow how other people are living with kidney disease on social media.

3) Be open and honest

While you don't need to share your health history on the first date, be prepared to discuss it when you feel comfortable. Kidney failure doesn't affect everyone the same. It may make it more difficult to have sexual interactions, go on dates, or travel. It may bring on sudden mood swings, require you to cancel on short notice, or play a factor in anxiety and depression.

By disclosing this information, your partner will have a better understanding of you and your needs.

Being vulnerable is hard, but it can lead to beautiful relationships like Christine and Michael's. Knowing Christine was on dialysis is what made Michael fall even further in love with her.

"I was a single father and I fell in love with her because of her dedication to her daughter," said Michael. "I was working three jobs, trying my best, and that couldn't compare to taking care of a child while on dialysis."

"When we fell in love, we fell deeply. We have an amazing relationship. When he became my care partner, we grew to a level that I didn't think was possible," said Christina. "I trust this man with my life. We have truly become partners and I know I'm not alone anymore."

It's important to note that vulnerability doesn't always lead to this outcome. It may mean realizing the person you're interested in isn't compatible with you. That's okay! As the old saying goes, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me as my best."

In the long run, open communication sets the stage for successful long-term relationships.

4) Plan Dates with Dialysis in Mind

Pay attention to your body and plan dates when you typically feel your best. Save these times for more active and physically demanding activities. Be flexible and have low-key plans for days when you might not feel your best. 

Having a rough day but still want to spend time with that special someone. Consider trying lower-energy dates, such as:

• Going on a scenic drive
• Having a movie night at home
• Playing board, card, video, or virtual reality games
• Having a picnic
• Stargazing
• Sharing your favorite songs with each other

5) Talk about the future

You and your partner will want to be on the same page before fully committing to one another. Part of this discussion should be about the impact dialysis has on your lives. Will you seek a kidney transplant? Do you want to, or can you safely have children? Is traveling important? By discussing the future, you can work together to create a roadmap that makes the most of your situation and relationship.

6) Build a community outside of your partner

If possible, create a strong support system beyond your partner. As the relationship progresses, you'll likely lean heavier and heavier on them. While your partner can be an important part of your care team, extra support will create room for your relationship to flourish.

NKF has many support communities just waiting for you. They are free of charge, and you can get involved from anywhere in the country.

• NKF's Dialysis Community: A safe and supportive space to share your experiences, ask questions, and get answers. 
• Facebook Advocacy Group: Anyone in the United States interested in advocating for kidney health legislation is welcome here. 
• La National Kidney Foundation en español: Únase a la conversación y conéctese con otras personas interesadas en aprender más sobre la salud renal. Este grupo es un espacio seguro para compartir su historia y hacer preguntas, ¡y es en español!
• Voices for Kidney Health: Our advocates work to make the U.S. a better place for all people with kidney disease! Join today and effect change while meeting other amazing advocates.
• Facebook Transplant Group: Interested in getting a transplant? Meet others doing the same, living donors, and transplant recipients. 

Source
¹Brown, Anna. "Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years." Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project, Pew Research Center, 20 Aug. 2020, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-s...

About Kidney Disease
In the United States, more than 37 million adults are estimated to have kidney disease, also known as chronic kidney disease (CKD)—and approximately 90 percent don't know they have it. About 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. are at risk for kidney disease. Risk factors for kidney disease include: diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and family history. People of Black or African American, Hispanic or Latino, American Indian or Alaska Native, Asian American, or Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander descent are at increased risk for developing the disease. Black or African American people are about four times as likely as White people to have kidney failure. Hispanics experience kidney failure at about double the rate of White people.

About the National Kidney Foundation
The National Kidney Foundation is revolutionizing the fight to save lives by eliminating preventable kidney disease, accelerating innovation for the dignity of the patient experience, and dismantling structural inequities in kidney care, dialysis, and transplantation. For more information about kidney disease, please visit www.kidney.org/

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SOURCE The National Kidney Foundation