ARAG Offers Tips to Recognize Abuse in a Friend's Releationship

DES MOINES, Iowa, Sept. 5, 2013 /PRNewswire/ -- After all the love and respect she'd received while dating, Andria thought when she got married that she was getting the fairy tale she always wanted. Four months later, everything changed drastically. Whether it was the pressure of a baby on the way, a new marriage, the home or the job, something triggered a cycle of physical and verbal abuse that became a regular part of her home for the next four years. Based on her own personal experience, Andria shares things to look for if you suspect your friend might be in an abusive relationship.  

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Pulling Away
There are a few reasons your friend might withdraw due to an abusive relationship. 1) An abuser is a very controlling person. Rather than subject herself to a possible argument over who, what and where she's been, she'll simply stop going out or being around friends. 2) She may feel uncomfortable talking with you as much, for fear something about her home life will come up. In my case, I was always hoping that with enough counseling things would get better, so I didn't want my friends and family to harbor resentment for him later if we were able to work through it.

For local resources, check out what's available in your state.

Making Excuses
If you start to notice your friend has more-than-usual unexplained marks on her body, pay attention. It may seem obvious, but if your friend is trying to hide abuse, she's going to be coming up with all kinds of reasons why a mark is where. "I ran into a shelf in our daughter's room," is one I used to cover a huge bruise that was clearly visible on my upper right arm.  Also, if your friend is suddenly covering up more than she used to, it may not be because she's cold. Long sleeves in July should be a red flag – one I had to explain more than a few times.

To help your friend, or find out more, check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Observe the Abuser
Pay close attention to how your friend and the partner interact with others and one another. If the suspected abuser often overpowers conversations and becomes argumentative over small things, it may be a sign of an underlying issue. Also note how he talks to your friend. If he is constantly poking fun at her or belittling her, it may be more than a little teasing. Notice how she reacts, too. If she seems fearful to stand up for herself, or nervous – even, to respond, that may be a clue.

What to Do if you Suspect Abuse
Try to get your friend to talk about it.. Start slow and ask how she's doing, how things are at home, etc. Let her know that you only want to help and will do anything you can for her. She may only share a little at a time, but encourage her to get help. Call your local battered women's shelter for advice, offer to let her and her children stay with you if you can, offer to watch her children while she pursues whatever action she needs to take. You may be the only support she has.

For more ways to help a friend who may be abused, check out these helpful resources.

Read the full story: http://www.supportinasplit.com/recognizing-abuse-in-a-friends-relationship/

About Support in a Split

When a friend or family member is going through a divorce, most people find it tough to know what to say or how to help. Support in a Split targets the extended support groups of people going through divorce and offers practical ways for them to help during a difficult time. With insight from attorneys, divorce counselors and divorce survivors, blog topics range from exercise, dating and updating legal documents. Support in a Split is sponsored by ARAG^®, a global provider of legal solutions.

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