What Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law Really Think Of Each Other: Surprising Results of New Survey

NEW YORK, Nov. 8, 2011 /PRNewswire/ -- Will it be pleasant around the family Thanksgiving table if the in-laws have come for the holiday? That depends, because having a mother-in-law is no joke, according to a new survey of over two thousand daughters-in-law conducted by the website Galtime.com.  Over a third of those surveyed considered their mother-in-law" either a "frenemy" (23.9%) or an outright enemy (12.9%).  So maybe that doesn't bode well for a happy Turkey Day.

Daughters-in-law say that their biggest problems with the other woman in their husband's life are:  

• She does not treat them with respect. (53.2 %)
• She criticizes them to their husbands (45%)
• She criticizes the way they are bringing up the children. (37.2%)

Daughters-in-laws also complain that their mothers-in-law treat their husbands, at least some of the time, like a child (69.6%).

But how do mothers-in-law feel about their daughters-in-law?  Almost nineteen hundred mothers-in-law answered a concurrent survey conducted by the website ThirdAge.com.  It turns out they have a somewhat rosier view of this complicated relationship.  

• Over 60% say they think of their daughter-in-law as a "daughter" or a friend and the right wife for their son.  Around 10% see her as an enemy.
• Yet while over 50% say they like their daughters-in-law "very much," almost 45% think she is, at best, just "okay," dislike her some of the time, or don't like her at all.

What may be the biggest problem between the two is the amount of unsolicited advice the mothers-in-laws offer.  Almost 60% admit they give their daughters-in-law advice, without being asked, about a variety of subjects.  One mother-in-law  said, "I give advice on money, kids, jobs, vacations, cars, towel colors, Christmas presents, housekeeping, food, what TV shows to watch, when they need to mow the yard, wash their cars, cut their hair, etc. "Another even admitted, "I am a controlling b***h."  

Almost 65% of daughters-in-law acknowledge they are the constant recipient of such advice, and 45% complain their mothers-in-law butt into their business too frequently or are just too critical. Many said, "She gives advice about EVERYTHING!" And others noted, "It is always her way or the highway."

Some mothers-in-laws probably do deserve to be called "Monsters-in-law."  One admitted, "I want their marriage to fail because I have a young nubile bride for my son," and another confessed, "I am jealous of all of my children's spouses and have tried to destroy all of their relationships."   No wonder some daughters-in-law say, "My mother-in-law is toxic" and "She is the reason my husband and I split up."

Still, when the relationship is good, daughters-in-law praise the mothers-in-law for being "an awesome grandma," "an elderly girlfriend," "a very wise, wonderful woman" and because "she defends me when her son is being a jerk."  One commented, "I hit the mother-in-law jackpot. Truly, I love my mother-in-law very much."  

And mothers-in-law frequently praise their daughters-in-laws as well, for being "a great mother" and sometimes for being "my best friend."  A few try to keep a sense of humor about this complex relationship.  As one mother-in-law cheerfully commented, "I am the world's worst mother, parent, grandparent, and have done everything possible to destroy their marriage. Can't see how they lasted 28 years so far."

The age-old conflict between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law obviously still exists even today.  

When there are two women in a man's life who love him, there are always problems - even when the women are his wife and his mother.

The Galtime.com and ThirdAge.com surveys were conducted between October 4 and October 21, 2011 on their websites.  Complete survey results are available.

GalTime.com is a leading, fast growing online magazine for savvy women.

ThirdAge.com is the longest established and largest website for baby boomer women.

SOURCE GalTime.com; ThirdAge.com