Evolved Bald Man Helps Fellow Sufferers Through the Five Stages of Grieving for Hair Loss
The Balding Handbook by David Stern Released by Eckhartz Press
"Finally a book for America's most overlooked minority! We are balding, hear us roar, in numbers too big to ignore"—John Records Landecker, radio legend
CHICAGO, Nov. 28, 2012 /PRNewswire/ -- David Stern is a fully actualized bald man. He has gone through the five very painful stages of grieving for his hair loss, and he's now in a better place. His main goal in life is now to invite all of his fellow balding brothers to join him there. "The Balding Handbook" (thebaldinghandbook.com) is their map.
Beginning with Stage One Denial, Stern holds up a mirror to his brothers…If your closet contains more than six hats, and any one of those hats is a sombrero, a jaunty golf cap, a Derby, a foam cheesehead, a Brimwood Topper or a Pirate hat, you might be in Denial. If you spend more than five minutes in the morning rearranging your hair into The Flip, The Frontal Tuft-Fluff-Up, the Soft Serve Ice Cream, or the Trump, you might be in Denial.
During Stage Two Anger, the key to staying out of prison is identifying targets of hate and rage that are generic, inanimate, or dead. Stern gives some great examples, and provides some cathartic exercises. His personal favorite is defacing dead relatives' graves; you're bound to hit the relative that passed down your defective genes.
Stage Three Bargaining is a time for shampooing with Holy Water and praying for your hair back from God. But until now, the perfect sales pitch and presentation to Him has eluded the balding man. Stern takes you through the entire sales process in case you get a face-to-face with Him. Bad news, you're probably dead.
In order to make it through the toughest stage of grieving for your hair loss, Stage Four Depression, a balding man must know where to turn for words of comfort. Stern helps his brothers say goodbye by offering tips on writing obituaries. Stern is currently mourning his good friend Hedda Haire who passed a few days ago.
Haire's obit as seen November 27, in The Seattle Times:
Hedda Haire originally from Tacoma, died in Kentucky after a long battle with MPB on November 19, 2012. Hedda was born to Really Missami and Lois My (nee Dignity). Haire is preceded in death by his loving grandmother, Jean (nee Defectiv) and estranged brother Nevalostmi. Remnants will be spread at Chaim Bald Memorial Park (chaimbald.com).
When balding men finish this book and discover the incredible advantages of being bald, they'll be ready to tackle the world. The Balding Handbook isn't just the book, it's changing the world, $9.95 at a time. $1 from every trade paperback sale will be donated to The Happiness Plunge's Crazy Hair Fundraiser (http://www.happinessplunge.com) providing wigs to kids undergoing chemotherapy. The Balding Handbook (thebaldinghandbook.com) is a perfect mean Xmas stocking stuffer or a really good day six, maybe seven day Chanukah gift. Released by Eckhartz Press (eckhartzpress.com), a boutique Chicago publisher for a brave new 21st century publishing world.
Rick Kaempfer, Eckhartz Press
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SOURCE Eckhartz Press